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Better 1-on-1s With This Simple Question

Summary

The episode begins with a thought experiment: close your eyes and name the last three things you saw in front of you, then try to name something behind you. The host, Jonathan Cuttrell, illustrates that it’s much easier to recall what is in our immediate focus and field of view than what is hidden or behind us. This principle extends beyond vision to our mental focus—what is top of mind is more easily remembered and acted upon.

Jonathan connects this concept to having better one-on-one conversations with leaders, bosses, or mentors. He argues that if we’re not having good, vulnerable conversations where we share our thoughts and receive guidance, we’re not truly being led but potentially being controlled. The core problem in many one-on-ones is the type of questions we ask.

The common question “What should I do?” is creative but can be dangerous because it forces the other person to generate an answer for something they may not have previously focused on, leading to less thoughtful, less specific advice. Instead, Jonathan proposes a more effective question: “What should I stop doing?”

Asking “What should I stop doing?” leverages the principle of focus. It directs attention to behaviors or actions that are already visible and apparent to the leader—things that are “in front of them.” This typically yields answers that are more specific, directive, and actionable. Jonathan advises that if you do ask “What should I do?”, you should allow ample time for a considered response, even suggesting the answer can come later via email.

The episode concludes by emphasizing the value of understanding human focus and bias to improve workplace relationships and communication. A sponsor segment for WooCommerce is included, discussing opportunities for developers in the e-commerce extension market.

Recommendations

Tools

  • WooCommerce — An open-source e-commerce platform built on WordPress, powering nearly 30% of online stores. The host mentions developers can build extensions for its marketplace to earn income.

Topic Timeline

  • 00:00:00 — Introduction and the memory focus experiment — Jonathan asks listeners to close their eyes and recall the last three things they saw in front of them, then try to recall something behind them. He introduces the episode’s theme: using this principle of focus to have better conversations. He states the goal of the show is to help developers connect to their purpose and have a positive impact.
  • 00:02:20 — Relating focus to leadership and one-on-ones — Jonathan explains that good leadership conversations require vulnerability and sharing thoughts and feelings. He connects the memory experiment to the difficulty of discussing things not in our immediate focus. He poses the central question: how can we have better one-on-ones with our leaders?
  • 00:05:21 — The principle: what’s in focus is top of mind — After the sponsor break, Jonathan reiterates the lesson from the experiment: whatever is in focus (visually or mentally) is top of mind and more easily remembered. He states this is an obvious reality we often don’t act on. He then asks how we can use this information to improve.
  • 00:06:59 — The problematic question: ‘What should I do?’ — Jonathan describes the common one-on-one question ‘What should I do?’ as creative but potentially dangerous. It forces the other person to generate an answer for something they may not have previously focused on, leading to less thoughtful advice given in the moment.
  • 00:08:04 — The better question: ‘What should I stop doing?’ — Jonathan presents the alternative or supplementary question: ‘What should I stop doing?’ He explains this question works better because it directs focus to behaviors that are already visible and apparent to the leader. Answers to this question tend to be more specific, directive, and actionable.
  • 00:08:30 — Advice on timing and allowing for deliberation — Jonathan advises that if you ask ‘What should I do?’, you should explicitly allow the other person time to think, even suggesting they can provide the answer later via email in a few days. This respects the cognitive difficulty of answering a ‘forward-looking’ question on the spot.

Episode Info

  • Podcast: Developer Tea
  • Author: Jonathan Cutrell
  • Category: Technology Business Careers Society & Culture
  • Published: 2018-03-09T10:00:00Z
  • Duration: 00:10:15

References

Podcast Info

Transcript

[00:00:00] if you’re listening to this episode in a place where maybe you’re not driving i want you to do

[00:00:09] something really quickly for me close your eyes and tell me the last three things that you saw

[00:00:16] maybe it was an object maybe it was a person now if you’re in a familiar place you might recall

[00:00:24] something from memory of the place but if you’re for example if you are transiting if you’re on a

[00:00:29] train and you’re driving past uh you know a particular building can you remember what was

[00:00:37] in front of you now it’s more likely that you’re going to remember the answer to this question

[00:00:43] rather than this next question what is behind you now this seems pretty obvious the reason that this

[00:00:52] happens and we’re going to talk about it on today’s episode of developer t and then we’re

[00:00:57] going to use this same concept to talk a little bit more about it in the next episode of developer

[00:00:59] t and then we’re going to talk a little bit more abstractly about how you can have a better

[00:01:02] conversation in your next one-on-one my name is jonathan cuttrell and you are listening to

[00:01:08] developer t my goal on this show is to help driven developers connect to their underlying purpose

[00:01:14] so that they can do better work and have a positive impact on the people they have influence

[00:01:20] over so that’s what we’re doing on this show and that’s what we’re doing in today’s episode

[00:01:25] because you’re going to be more connected to your purpose

[00:01:29] if you connect well with leadership around you in your company or beyond your company

[00:01:38] you could look at multiple people who act as leaders in your life but ultimately if you’re

[00:01:45] not having good conversations with those people if you’re not being vulnerable if you’re not

[00:01:50] sharing what you think and what you feel but also getting some kind of leadership advice

[00:01:57] from those people some kind of guidance

[00:01:59] some kind of career development then you’re not actually really being led more you’re being

[00:02:07] controlled or you know some other not really desirable position to be in for you or for that

[00:02:14] leader for that matter so how can we have better one-on-ones with our leaders well

[00:02:20] let’s go back to our previous question after closing your eyes were you able to name three

[00:02:27] things that were in front of you

[00:02:29] it’s almost certain that you could but if you were to close your eyes and try to name something

[00:02:36] behind you it’s almost certain that you couldn’t it may be that you can name something but having

[00:02:42] a detailed image of exactly where things are placed would almost require that you are in a

[00:02:49] extremely familiar place like your own room for example so why is this we’re going to talk about

[00:02:55] that in just a moment after we talk about today’s sponsor woocommerce

[00:02:59] woocommerce is an open source e-commerce solution that is built on top of wordpress

[00:03:05] on nearly 30 that’s a huge number when you’re talking about the entire world of the internet

[00:03:11] but nearly 30 of all online stores on the web are powered by woocommerce and it’s fully customizable

[00:03:18] you can build a unique store to suit your specific business needs and you can keep the full control

[00:03:23] and flexibility by integrating with whatever e-commerce services you need via their existing

[00:03:29] integrations or with their api now since i’m talking to what are likely capable developers

[00:03:36] on this show it’s important that you understand the opportunity that woocommerce has for you

[00:03:43] because even if you aren’t looking to build an e-commerce store there are plenty of people

[00:03:49] plenty of potential clients for example if you’re a freelancer if you work at an agency

[00:03:53] who do want to build an e-commerce store and uh statistically at least

[00:03:59] about one in three of them is going to use woocommerce this is a huge number of people

[00:04:05] and it’s growing as new businesses start to use the internet to do business so this is a growing

[00:04:12] market here’s what you can do as a developer to take advantage of this even if you aren’t going

[00:04:17] to actually be running a woocommerce site because you’re a developer you actually have the

[00:04:23] opportunity to develop your own extensions and integrations for woocommerce

[00:04:29] the woocommerce marketplace if you’re a developer that’s interested in this

[00:04:33] and building and selling these extensions this is a great way to earn income or even build out a

[00:04:40] whole business now they have some good news at woocommerce.com the marketplace is totally open

[00:04:46] for submissions it’s been closed down for two years but now they are wide open you can actually

[00:04:52] get started uh submitting your extension to woo’s official marketplace at woocommerce.com

[00:04:58] slash develop

[00:04:59] it’s develop dash woocommerce and you can also get 20 off of woocommerce until the end of this

[00:05:09] month until the end of march by using the code developer t at checkout thank you again to

[00:05:14] woocommerce for sponsoring today’s episode of developer t so we’ve already illustrated that

[00:05:21] it’s difficult to remember things that are behind us but not as difficult to remember things that

[00:05:26] are in front of us and perhaps it’s the best way to remember things that are in front of us

[00:05:29] the most difficult to remember things that are not around us at all or perhaps to imagine things

[00:05:36] that we’ve never seen before this is a difficult process for our brain and we can learn from this

[00:05:42] you know it’s very easy for you to tell me as you’re listening to this podcast tell me what

[00:05:49] you’re looking at you can immediately answer this question but the moment that you close your eyes

[00:05:53] the moment that the thing that you were looking at goes out of your focus that’s the moment that

[00:05:59] starts reconfiguring and changing to whatever it is that you are focusing on now and this isn’t

[00:06:06] only for vision this is also true just for our mental processes you don’t have to be looking at

[00:06:11] something to be focusing on it so here’s what i want you to do in your next one-on-one this

[00:06:17] principle is very simple the principle is that whatever is in focus will be top of mind whatever

[00:06:25] is in focus will be top of mind and more importantly whatever is visible

[00:06:29] not just again not just actually visible to your eyes but whatever is apparent whatever is in front

[00:06:36] of you is going to be more easily remembered more easily noticed than something that is hidden

[00:06:43] this should be obvious to us but for whatever reason we don’t necessarily act in accordance

[00:06:49] with that obvious reality so what does this produce what can we do with this information

[00:06:55] how can we improve by knowing this information well

[00:06:59] in your next one-on-one with your boss or if it’s a co-worker or a mentor i want you to ask

[00:07:06] a very simple question and you’re probably going to catch them off guard you’re used to asking the

[00:07:13] questions what should i do this is a very common question and it’s kind of a creative and enjoyable

[00:07:21] question to ask and get an answer to what should i do can also be somewhat of a dangerous question

[00:07:28] because you’re not going to be able to answer it and you’re not going to be able to answer it

[00:07:29] forcing the person that you’re having the one-on-one to come up with something that they

[00:07:35] have never seen before now some of those answers are going to actually look like the answer to the

[00:07:40] question that i’m going to give you in a moment but for the most part if you ask somebody what

[00:07:45] you should do if they give you an answer in that same meeting they probably haven’t thought about

[00:07:51] that whatever that answer is very much and that’s no fault of theirs because it’s difficult to do

[00:07:58] this it’s much easier to do it in a way that’s not going to be able to answer it in a way that’s not

[00:07:59] going to be able to answer it in a way that’s not going to be able to answer it in a way that’s not

[00:08:00] to look at what is in front of us so the question that i want you to ask instead

[00:08:04] is what is one thing or you can ask this in addition to what should i do because it is

[00:08:10] important to get constructive feedback but instead of asking only what should i do you

[00:08:16] should also ask what should i stop doing this is such a subtle difference what should i stop

[00:08:23] doing and when you ask the question what should i do allow for a delay

[00:08:30] Tell the person you’re having a one-on-one with

[00:08:32] that you want for them to have the time

[00:08:34] to answer that question without being rushed

[00:08:37] and you’re willing to wait a few days

[00:08:38] if they want to provide the answer to you in an email.

[00:08:42] But you’re going to find that if you ask the question,

[00:08:45] what should I stop doing,

[00:08:47] that the answer will be much more specific,

[00:08:50] much more directive, much more actionable

[00:08:52] than the question, what should I do?

[00:08:56] Thank you so much for listening

[00:08:57] to today’s episode of Developer Tea.

[00:09:00] These kinds of things,

[00:09:02] understanding how other people’s focus works

[00:09:04] and how we can work better with them,

[00:09:08] understanding other people’s biases,

[00:09:10] these are the kinds of things we talk about

[00:09:11] all the time on the show.

[00:09:13] And if you enjoy these types of topics,

[00:09:15] then I encourage you to subscribe

[00:09:16] in whatever podcasting app you’re using right now

[00:09:19] to listen to this.

[00:09:21] Remember, if you subscribe in iTunes,

[00:09:23] that is the best way to help Developer Tea

[00:09:26] reach other developers like you.

[00:09:27] It’s even better if you leave a review.

[00:09:30] And I love knowing what you all think of this show.

[00:09:32] I love getting feedback

[00:09:33] and I love refining what we do here on Developer Tea

[00:09:37] to be the most useful for driven developers.

[00:09:40] Thank you so much for listening to today’s episode.

[00:09:43] Thank you again to today’s sponsor, WooCommerce.

[00:09:46] If you’re interested in building

[00:09:48] a WooCommerce-powered e-commerce store

[00:09:51] or if you are interested in building an extension

[00:09:54] and making some extra money,

[00:09:56] head over to WooCommerce.com

[00:09:57] slash Developer Tea

[00:09:59] and use the code DeveloperTea

[00:10:01] at checkout for 20% off.

[00:10:03] Thank you again to WooCommerce.

[00:10:05] Thank you so much for listening

[00:10:06] and until next time, enjoy your tea.

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