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Reframing Discipline and Elastic Habits

Summary

The episode challenges common misconceptions about discipline, arguing against viewing it as punishment or perfection. Instead, discipline is reframed as “the will to continue despite unexpected circumstances”—a flexible, adaptive quality focused on core goals rather than rigid adherence to specific methods.

The host introduces the concept of “elastic habits” from Katie Milkman’s book How to Change, contrasting brittle habits that require ideal conditions with resilient behaviors that adapt to changing circumstances. Discipline becomes about finding the essence of what matters and maintaining commitment through adaptation, not about suffering or flawless execution.

Practical examples illustrate how disciplined approaches adapt when plans change—like substituting a jog for a missed gym session when the core goal is activity. The episode emphasizes developing flexibility in habits and saying no to distractions to preserve energy for what truly matters.

The key takeaway is that becoming disciplined requires changing our mental model: focusing on core effects we want to achieve, building resilient habits that withstand changing conditions, and viewing discipline as persistence through adaptation rather than perfection or pain.

Recommendations

Books

  • How to Change by Katie Milkman — Referenced as the source for the concept of ‘elastic habits,’ which contrasts brittle habits that require ideal conditions with flexible, resilient behaviors that adapt to changing circumstances.

Communities

  • Developer Tea Discord — A free community mentioned at the end where listeners can join to share stories about discipline and continue the conversation beyond the one-way podcast format.

Topic Timeline

  • 00:00:00 — Introduction to rethinking discipline and habits — The episode opens by asking listeners to examine their relationship with the concept of discipline. Host Jonathan Cottrell introduces the goal of providing a new perspective on discipline and tools for building stickier habits, framing discipline not as punishment or perfection but as something more flexible and sustainable.
  • 00:01:01 — Challenging the punishment model of discipline — The host discusses how childhood associations can conflate discipline with punishment, leading to the false belief that all good things require pain. He references psychology to note that while painful experiences can modify behavior, they’re not the only path to achievement, and this punitive model of discipline is fundamentally broken.
  • 00:02:31 — Challenging the perfection model of discipline — Another flawed model equates discipline with exactness, perfection, punctuality, and spotless records. The host argues that breaking a chain of perfection (like being late) doesn’t mean someone is undisciplined, rejecting the idea that discipline requires flawless execution in all circumstances.
  • 00:03:20 — Defining discipline as resilience to change — The host presents his reframed definition: “discipline is the will to continue despite unexpected circumstances.” He distinguishes this from grit or blind perseverance, emphasizing that discipline involves choosing the high-quality path and constantly improving, even when situations change.
  • 00:05:05 — Introducing elastic habits from research — Referencing Katie Milkman’s book How to Change, the host introduces the concept of elastic habits. He contrasts brittle habits that depend on ideal conditions with elastic habits that are resilient to changing circumstances, arguing that true discipline is about flexibility and adaptation rather than rigid perfection.
  • 00:07:04 — Practical example of disciplined adaptation — Using an example from Milkman’s book, the host illustrates how a disciplined approach adapts when a gym session is missed due to a meeting. Instead of scrapping exercise entirely, a disciplined person identifies the core goal (being active) and adapts (going for a jog later), demonstrating flexibility around the essential objective.
  • 00:08:39 — Practical takeaways for becoming disciplined — The host summarizes practical steps: think about discipline differently, get to the core essence of what you care about when developing habits, develop flexibility in daily life, and say no to more things to preserve energy for priorities. Discipline means having the flexibility to stay with your plans when circumstances change.

Episode Info

  • Podcast: Developer Tea
  • Author: Jonathan Cutrell
  • Category: Technology Business Careers Society & Culture
  • Published: 2021-07-21T07:00:00Z
  • Duration: 00:10:26

References

Podcast Info

Transcript

[00:00:00] When you think of the word discipline, what comes to mind?

[00:00:09] In today’s episode, we’re going to hopefully give you a new perspective on discipline and

[00:00:18] give you some tools to build stickier habits.

[00:00:24] My name is Jonathan Cottrell.

[00:00:25] You’re listening to Developer Tea.

[00:00:27] My goal on this show is to help driven developers like you find clarity, perspective, and purpose

[00:00:32] in their careers.

[00:00:35] Everyone has a different relationship with the concept of discipline.

[00:00:40] For some people, this immediately goes back to their childhood, where they were grounded

[00:00:48] or they lost their allowance.

[00:00:50] This was a punitive kind of discipline.

[00:00:55] And this mental model of discipline might have carried forward into their lives.

[00:01:01] Now, the interesting thing is if you are one of those people, if you have the mental model

[00:01:09] of discipline conflated with the model of punishment, that there is some negative consequence

[00:01:18] for not doing the thing that someone is telling you to do, and we’ll talk about who the someone

[00:01:24] is in a second, then it’s possible that you believe that all good things that happen in

[00:01:33] your life require pain.

[00:01:37] All good things require some kind of punishing penance.

[00:01:46] And this simply isn’t true.

[00:01:47] Of course, we know in psychology that behavioral modification happens through a variety of

[00:01:56] mechanisms.

[00:01:57] One of them is through some kind of painful experience.

[00:02:01] We will respond to a painful experience.

[00:02:03] But this isn’t the only passage to achieving something that we want to achieve.

[00:02:14] So we have this idea that discipline, which equates to difficulty or pain or struggling

[00:02:23] in our minds, is necessary to accomplish something.

[00:02:29] This is broken.

[00:02:31] Another kind of variation on this idea of discipline is the idea of exactness.

[00:02:40] Discipline is, to many people, perfection.

[00:02:45] When we think about discipline, we might think about punctuality.

[00:02:50] We might think about having a kind of spotless record.

[00:02:57] We think about inspections or quality control, and that discipline is necessary to follow

[00:03:05] through on all of those things, and that if we break that chain of perfection, if we

[00:03:11] are late, then we are not disciplined.

[00:03:16] Once again, this simply isn’t true.

[00:03:20] Instead, I want you to think about discipline as the will to continue despite unexpected

[00:03:29] circumstances.

[00:03:33] Discipline is the will to continue despite unexpected circumstances.

[00:03:37] This isn’t the same thing necessarily as, let’s say, grit, although it could be kind

[00:03:43] of compared to that.

[00:03:45] Instead, what we’re looking at is discipline requiring some level of fortitude when things

[00:03:54] change.

[00:03:57] Instead of thinking of the opposite of discipline as laziness or being lax, think of the opposite

[00:04:05] of discipline as quitting, as giving up.

[00:04:09] Now, it is important to note that there is a difference between discipline and perseverance.

[00:04:19] Perseverance might be considered kind of a raw energy where you are not going to give

[00:04:24] up ever, but you might blindly be doing the wrong thing.

[00:04:29] Discipline is choosing to do what we know is the right thing to do, or choosing to constantly

[00:04:40] improve.

[00:04:43] Choose the high quality path.

[00:04:47] Don’t skip the line.

[00:04:49] Don’t try to take a shortcut.

[00:04:52] Discipline is doing those things in the face of changing circumstance.

[00:04:58] What’s interesting is that there is a body of research around the idea that discipline

[00:05:05] is not about perfection.

[00:05:07] It’s not about performing on time every time.

[00:05:10] It’s not about pain.

[00:05:11] It’s not about suffering, but it’s about flexibility.

[00:05:16] It’s about instituting behaviors that are resilient to changing circumstances.

[00:05:24] Once again, I’m reading How to Change by Katie Milkman.

[00:05:28] We talked about this on our interview on Developer T, but this concept is so important that I

[00:05:35] wanted to kind of dedicate an episode to it.

[00:05:37] The idea is, in her book, she calls it elastic habits.

[00:05:43] If you have a brittle habit, if you have a habit that is dependent on all the stars aligning,

[00:05:52] on everything happening just right, the timing is right, you have all of the kind of overhead

[00:05:59] that you need to have out of the way, you have the right resources at hand, you have

[00:06:05] the right energy at hand, and all of that has to happen in particular specific ways.

[00:06:13] If that’s what you’re waiting on, then your habit is brittle.

[00:06:19] Your behavior becomes brittle.

[00:06:22] And discipline is the opposite of this picture.

[00:06:29] Discipline says, I’m going to find a way.

[00:06:34] I’m going to look at my circumstance and adapt to it so that I can still accomplish

[00:06:41] the thing that I set out to accomplish with this habit building process.

[00:06:45] Or I don’t need all of the stars to align.

[00:06:50] I don’t need my environment to provide the stage for me to act in a particular way.

[00:06:57] Instead, I’m going to choose to act based on what I have available.

[00:07:04] Very simple examples of this, and this is actually directly from the book, from Katie’s

[00:07:10] book.

[00:07:12] Simple examples of this is having a specific time that you wanted to go to the gym.

[00:07:18] And unfortunately, let’s say maybe you had a meeting that got scheduled for that time,

[00:07:22] so you can’t go at that time anymore.

[00:07:25] An undisciplined approach would say, well, let’s scrap going to the gym today.

[00:07:31] That’s an undisciplined approach.

[00:07:33] A disciplined approach adapts to the circumstance.

[00:07:37] Maybe the disciplined approach in this case is that you can’t exercise at the gym, but

[00:07:42] the gym is not really the thing that you care about.

[00:07:44] The thing that you’re disciplined about is being active.

[00:07:47] And so you rearrange your thinking and you make time in your schedule later in the day

[00:07:53] to go for a jog.

[00:07:55] In this specific way, discipline is about finding the core of what matters and not letting

[00:08:03] go of it.

[00:08:06] Undisciplined approaches ignore.

[00:08:10] They ignore priorities.

[00:08:12] They ignore finding the core of what matters, and they instead assume that the script will

[00:08:19] be written for them.

[00:08:21] I don’t want you to hear me incorrectly here.

[00:08:24] Discipline does not mean that you have boundless energy.

[00:08:28] Discipline doesn’t mean that you unwisely push into territory that is dangerous to push

[00:08:34] into.

[00:08:36] So what is the practical takeaway?

[00:08:39] If you want to become a disciplined person, you have to think about discipline differently.

[00:08:47] When you’re developing a habit, get to the core, the essence of what you care about.

[00:08:56] What is the effect that you’re trying to achieve?

[00:08:59] What is the goal?

[00:09:01] Develop flexibility with your habits.

[00:09:06] Develop flexibility in your day-to-day life.

[00:09:08] This might mean saying no to more things so that you have the opportunity to persevere,

[00:09:18] to stick to the things that you really care about doing.

[00:09:23] When things change, when circumstances change, having the flexibility to still stay with

[00:09:34] what you were planning to do.

[00:09:36] This is the core of discipline.

[00:09:41] Thanks so much for listening to today’s episode of Developer T. I hope you enjoyed this episode.

[00:09:44] If you did, make sure you subscribe and whatever podcasting app you’re currently listening

[00:09:49] to.

[00:09:50] I’d love to hear your stories about discipline and any thoughts that you have.

[00:09:58] I don’t like doing this in a one-way conversation kind of format.

[00:10:03] I’d much rather you join the Developer T Discord.

[00:10:07] Head over to developert.com slash discord.

[00:10:10] It is a free community.

[00:10:11] It will remain free.

[00:10:13] Thanks so much for listening to this episode and until next time, enjoy your tea.

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