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Owning and Requesting Forward-Framed Feedback

Summary

The episode challenges the common assumption that managers will automatically provide all the feedback needed for professional growth. It highlights how relying on this assumption can lead to unpleasant surprises like performance improvement plans or layoffs, as even good managers may not provide feedback systematically or perfectly.

The core intervention proposed is a mindset shift: taking ownership of gathering feedback is the employee’s responsibility. By proactively seeking feedback, employees create better incentive alignment and are more likely to receive the insights needed for improvement. This approach is often appreciated by managers, especially when done tactfully.

The tactical tool offered is a specific question to ask managers: “What do you think will hold me back from growing?” This question is framed as seeking advice rather than judgment, which makes it easier for managers to answer. It shifts the conversation from evaluating past performance to identifying future roadblocks, creating a more positive and forward-looking dialogue.

The question can be modified for specificity (e.g., “from getting X promotion”) and opens the door for managers to provide rich, multi-faceted feedback. The key differentiator is that it requests forward-framed advice about obstacles, not event-oriented feedback about past actions. This framing energizes managers who enjoy coaching and providing guidance for future success.

Ultimately, this approach transforms feedback from a potentially negative judgment into a goal-oriented conversation about removing roadblocks to growth. It empowers employees to drive their own development while engaging managers as advisors in their journey.

Topic Timeline

  • 00:00:00 — Challenging assumptions about manager feedback — The episode begins by questioning the assumption that managers provide all necessary feedback. It connects this to stories of people being surprised by layoffs or performance plans, noting that even good managers don’t always give feedback perfectly. The host introduces the idea of a simple intervention to shift this dynamic.
  • 00:02:56 — Introducing the intervention mindset — The host recommends a mindset shift: making feedback your own responsibility instead of waiting for your manager. Taking ownership creates better incentive alignment to seek feedback and is likely appreciated by managers. This sets up the tactical question that follows.
  • 00:04:47 — The tactical feedback question — The core tactical question is presented: “What do you think will hold me back from growing?” This is framed as an advice question rather than a request for judgment. The host explains it can be modified for specificity and opens the door for managers to provide rich feedback across different areas.
  • 00:06:17 — Why forward-framed feedback works — The key differentiator is explained: asking about what holds you back is forward-looking advice, not event-oriented feedback. This shifts from potential negative judgment to positive, energizing advice that managers enjoy giving. It changes the tone from rating past behavior to identifying future roadblocks.
  • 00:07:50 — Applying the feedback framing — The host discusses how to use the feedback received, whether managers focus on past behaviors or positive coaching. The forward-leaning intent is to identify roadblocks assuming the employee could grow if they weren’t present. This goal-oriented framing gives managers opportunity to provide advice rather than judgment.

Episode Info

  • Podcast: Developer Tea
  • Author: Jonathan Cutrell
  • Category: Technology Business Careers Society & Culture
  • Published: 2025-03-05T08:00:00Z
  • Duration: 00:09:12

References

Podcast Info

Transcript

[00:00:00] We like to talk a lot about assumptions on this show.

[00:00:17] One of the assumptions that you’re probably making is that your boss is giving you all

[00:00:24] of the feedback that you need to improve.

[00:00:30] Think about this.

[00:00:32] So often I hear stories about people who end up getting laid off or end up on a performance

[00:00:38] improvement plan or for whatever reason they get surprised by some action by their company.

[00:00:50] Now setting aside the fact that many companies are indeed practicing performance management

[00:00:58] in ad hoc and chaotic ways, there are also opportunities that we often make assumptions

[00:01:08] about.

[00:01:10] We assume that our managers know what they’re doing, for example.

[00:01:14] We assume that our manager is going to tell us when something didn’t go as well as it

[00:01:20] could have gone.

[00:01:21] We assume that our managers are paying attention, that they are watching us, that they are watching

[00:01:28] how we behave in difficult situations, that they know exactly what we’re doing, or at

[00:01:35] least they know all of the good things that we’re doing.

[00:01:40] These assumptions can come back to bite you.

[00:01:43] But I want to give you one simple tool, one question that can shift this dynamic more

[00:01:49] in your favor.

[00:01:51] I’m not saying that it will fix everything, but remember that with any kind of intervention,

[00:01:59] a lot of the things that we talk about on the show are interventional in nature.

[00:02:03] So intervention in this case, what I mean is some kind of change in order to stop a

[00:02:10] particular situation or a series of events, or to change direction, that’s the idea of

[00:02:20] an intervention where intervening with any kind of intervention, what we care about is

[00:02:29] a dose-response relationship.

[00:02:32] In other words, we want to know what is the balance, the ROI, so to speak, because if

[00:02:45] it takes a lot of effort to accomplish some change, then there may be other better ways

[00:02:52] to spend that same effort.

[00:02:56] In this particular intervention, I wouldn’t say that this is going to fix all of your

[00:03:01] assumptions about your manager, but it can give you better feedback.

[00:03:08] So if all you’re doing is waiting for your performance review to get feedback, or if

[00:03:12] you’re hoping that your manager is going to systematically provide you feedback in your

[00:03:16] one-on-ones, even good managers don’t necessarily do this perfectly all the time.

[00:03:24] So here’s what I recommend.

[00:03:27] There’s a mindset here that I’m going to recommend, and then there’s a specific tactical

[00:03:31] question that you can ask your manager to trigger the right kind of thinking processes

[00:03:37] to get you the feedback you need.

[00:03:39] The mindset is that your manager giving you feedback is your responsibility.

[00:03:47] What does this mean?

[00:03:48] It means that instead of waiting for your manager to pick up the baton and give you

[00:03:53] feedback, you are going to seek it out, getting feedback from other people.

[00:04:01] If you own that responsibility, you have better incentive alignment to seek that feedback

[00:04:08] out in the first place.

[00:04:10] So if you are responsible, if you take responsibility for gathering the feedback that you need to

[00:04:17] make the changes for yourself, then any additional feedback that your manager brings to you,

[00:04:24] is only going to enhance that responsibility.

[00:04:28] Also your manager will very likely appreciate this, especially, okay, and this is going

[00:04:33] back to that kind of dose response, that ROI conversation, your manager will appreciate

[00:04:40] you asking for feedback as long as you do it in particularly tactful ways.

[00:04:47] So the tactical question that I’m going to give you today, and you can go and ask

[00:04:53] your manager this almost any time, all right, this is more of an advice question, okay,

[00:05:00] and that’s the framing, that is the difference here, that’s why it makes it a good question

[00:05:05] to use.

[00:05:07] So the question goes like this, what do you think will hold me back from growing?

[00:05:15] You can modify this question a little bit, what do you think will hold me back from getting

[00:05:20] X promotion, for example, but if you ask this in an open way, then your manager can

[00:05:28] choose to interpret this however they want to.

[00:05:32] Your manager may come back at you and say, well, what do you mean by growth?

[00:05:37] This means that there are potentially multiple answers to this question.

[00:05:41] They may have a rich kind of tapestry of feedback to provide to you for different areas, right?

[00:05:48] So you can either be very tactical and very specific, you know, what do you think held

[00:05:55] me back in that meeting or what do you think has held me back during my onboarding?

[00:06:00] Is there an attitude or some other behavior that you think is holding me back?

[00:06:08] The key, I guess, differentiator here is that you’re asking them not to provide you with

[00:06:17] event oriented feedback, how did I do, but instead with kind of forward looking, what’s

[00:06:25] holding me back is advice for what to do going forward, and this is critical, right?

[00:06:32] This is critical.

[00:06:33] It changes the conversation away from the potential negative, which is hard to provide

[00:06:40] to potential positive, which is much more energizing to provide.

[00:06:45] If you’re a leader, if you’re a coach, most managers enjoy, enjoy giving advice, right?

[00:06:51] We enjoy looking forward and saying, here’s how you can do better in the future.

[00:06:56] The things that are holding you back can be translated into what is the linchpin, right?

[00:07:04] And you can fill in the blanks.

[00:07:06] So take this feedback and try to fill in the blanks.

[00:07:09] If they say, well, you know, I think the thing that’s holding you back is that you’re not

[00:07:16] speaking up and sharing your opinion often enough, or the thing that I think can take

[00:07:24] you to the next level is, right?

[00:07:26] So you can kind of use both of those framings depending on what kind of relationship you

[00:07:30] have with your manager, what kind of advice do they tend to give you?

[00:07:35] Do they tend to focus on behaviors that you’ve already engaged in, or do they tend to focus

[00:07:39] on positive coaching or providing you with, again, affirmative advice or positive advice

[00:07:47] rather than feedback on previous behaviors?

[00:07:50] So both of these do have kind of a forward lean, right?

[00:07:54] Because even though you’re asking about what’s holding you back, the intent of that is not

[00:08:01] to litigate that behavior, but instead to say, oh, you know, I assume that you could make it

[00:08:09] that you could do well, that you could grow, that you could achieve your goals if this

[00:08:14] was not in the way, right?

[00:08:15] So you’re looking for roadblocks, that mindset shift can be monumentally different in tone

[00:08:24] versus saying, can you tell me how I did?

[00:08:27] Rate me, judge me, you know, provide me with some kind of objective analysis of my past

[00:08:34] behaviors.

[00:08:35] Instead, you’re goal oriented, right?

[00:08:39] Again, this is about a framing that can give your manager the opportunity to provide advice

[00:08:47] rather than judgment.

[00:08:49] Thanks so much for listening to this episode of Developer T.

[00:08:51] If you try this out, please let me know.

[00:08:53] You can email me at developert at gmail.com.

[00:08:56] You can also send a message in the discord community.

[00:09:00] That’s developert.com slash discord.

[00:09:03] Thanks so much for listening.

[00:09:04] And until next time, enjoy your tea.

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